Shit Ladies Get Away With

An urge to bust chops is escalating and dry humping my inner most subconsciousness; I don’t think I can take it anymore. Call I delusional, but a screwed-up head of mine is rocking back and forth in suspense, wondering how these lovely ladies do it? Why not dive right in rather than mumbling around?

Sexuality: It is perfectly fine and socially acceptable for two proclaimed heterosexual females to kiss in public and declare it as sisterhood. Furthermore, two ladies can show each other their boobs and everyone else nearby will go on with their business. And most of all, holding hands and tight hugging of each other. I admit, the female body is magnificent and adorable to embrace. However, I am really fed up of some females who claim and deny never having any lady crushes, yet they are huge fans of tapping a friend’s arse.

Manual Labor: Call I jealous, but I continue to envy the soft, tender and loving care offered to members of the female race, in a pretext of being delicate or the fair sex. Thirty-one as of now, but not once or twice, have I done work, the other couldn’t do, because she is a lady. Seriously, how can I still not be jealous?

Ticketing and Fines: Oh you bastard, she decides to drive around recklessly, acts like a total prick, and all she gets is a fucken warning? Are you shitting I? Okay, I admit, she has a nice pair of tits, but, but, she racked my car? “You are a man, fix it”, says a nearby stander.

Dress code: I can’t wear a floral-patterned pair of tight-comfy pants, and freely walk around without being ridiculed by some delusional and demented retards of self-proclaimed arseholes. Last festive season, my little sister spent it wearing shirts of mine and she was applauded for looking great in them. Why the hell shouldn’t I also be applauded when I wear her clothes?

Relationships: She can break your heart and you have not to bitch about it. Dare break hers, all her family, friends and relatives will be against you, accompanied with sparks of hatred. Also, she is socially accepted to destroy your shit, and get away with it, since you played with her feelings and wasted her time.

Feelings and emotions: It is okay for a female to cause a scene and cry about it. However, have you ever spotted a guy crying out loud in public, even if they are having the worst of all days of their life?

Fancy lifestyle: Societies we reside in are infested with slay queens having a blast and living life to the fullest. Here I am, a guy, I can’t do that, I hear, I must be making plans for the future, a future smudged with fucken white dust, falling from the skies. Sadly, in this so-called plan of a future, I must include some else, who could be a shitty slay queen.

Sneaky creatures: It is no longer a myth, taboo or sacred that females are known to have multiple orgasms. Well, with practice, a guy can somehow make it too, but level of euphoria keeps dropping. This leaves females as the last standers, being no match for a dude, despite of all the work he may put in. As a result, she can cheat on her man and still offer him the best sex of his life. Dare he cheat on her, she will know.

Traumatic stress excuse: Not to sound insensitive, but on several accounts, I have had an excuse of: “I was on my period and am sorry; I never meant to burn your entire collection”. Unfortunately, this excuse is socially accepted, and if you never knew, it could give you some wiggling roam after screwing up; but, but please, don’t do it.

Applauds and Compliments: Do you really want I to go into details with this? If your answer returns as a resounding hell yeah, you need immediate help.

More life insights and hacks in Altered Life Perceptions, available in electronic and audio formats at your favorite store and online-library.

Available in electronic and audio