The Phone Number = You’re Screwed


Thirty-one years old and I still don’t get it as to why many make it a big IT: getting a phone number of someone they have a massive crush on? I used to hear about it in lyrics, so I felt cool on a day I got a crush’s number on a napkin. And yes, I got a date with her, during which lasting impressions and memories where created. Anyway, the thing is, just because you got someone’s phone number, it doesn’t guarantee a clear path into their life. That someone may also not answer your call, ignore it or answer and then turn it off.

It is clear, if you call twice and don’t get an answer or call back, you my dear, that someone isn’t interested. Don’t waste precious time, there is plenty of unsolved mysteries you can get your hands on. Perhaps use that time to top up your A game and get it smooth. Unless you want to receive a restraining order, then chill out.

Alright, let us say that by some demented delusional twist, you call the number several times and the someone finally answers: don’t become a shithead about it. As in, initiating the conversation asking why they have not been answering their phone?

It is irritating. No matter who the hell you are, never ever place someone in a social court of judicial conduct, demanding why in the bloody heavens, they have not been answering their phone. Wait, did I hear that right? I believe it stated “their phone”? Right? Right, now move on. That individual reserves all rights pertaining to whether they answer their damn phone or not.

Please, don’t be a twat and ask what if the phone vibrates, beeps or simply activates screen for an incoming call? Are you fucken shitting? Shut it. Since initiating this post, I made a pinky finger promise not to add anything to the fucken swear jar, but, but, I can’t shitty take it. Now let us get this fucken shit straight.

Am sure you are not demented enough to list a crush as your in case of emergency? In case you did so, you’re absolutely screwed.  Guilty: yes, I have ever used a crush’s number as an in case of emergency contact and she had no idea. In my defense, I was on foreign land and knew only a handful of people.

Since I am on the subject of getting phone numbers, don’t get I started on wrong numbers offered out. I used to think it was shitty and shady, but I realize it is one way of getting rid of an arsehole. And of course, there comes those who offer out a dialog of questions before offering out their number. Do you think I am going to design a fucken birthday card with it? Or use it as a secret pass-code?

My favorites are those who wonder where someone got from their number? Are you shitting I? In which era are you shithead trailing in? Do you remember every where you have ever filled it in? Or given it to?

For I, rather than jumping into a celebratory dance because I got a crush’s number, I am all in when my crush accepts a date or at least a hang out, and they fucken show up willingly and wanting.

More life insights and hacks in Altered Life Perceptions, available at your favorite store and library in electronic and audio formats.

Available in electronic and audio

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