It’s My Damn Phone


I don’t get it when a someone gets all mad and pissed off, when they receive no response from I, over the phone. Some take it to a next level of attacking I, enquiring as to why in the bloody hell, I haven’t been answering my phone? Wait a fucken minute, did I hear you right? Did you say my phone? The last I checked, I bought that phone myself, which clearly makes it my phone with no stupid strings attached. Halt for a second, are you spotting where I am bloody heading with this shit? My phone, which in my brain and mind clearly indicates and translates to mean that: I reserve all rights, regulations and stipulations, as to whether I answer the damn thing when it rings, or not. So please dear, pipe the bloody loving hell down, and get better shit to do.

Although I am a scientist and a huge fun of sciences and technology, I never like talking on a phone. It doesn’t matter as to whether you are the most interesting or weirdest person walking the planets, I still don’t want to talk to you over the phone. Surprisingly, I love and enjoy talking to people, but it must be in person. I have this weird and strange imagination that, I could be talking to you on phone, while you are taking a giant shit, or poking holes in a portrait of mine, you custom designed.

I admit and confess, there are times my phone has rang, and I stared at it, till the ringing faded. During such times of phone ringing, I tend to freeze a little, with thousands of questions bombarding and blasting through my brain, including my inner most subconscious. Situation is worsened, if I wasn’t expecting a call. Don’t take I wrong, I love surprises, but they must be in person, and not over a damn phone. Unfortunately, many tend to take it otherwise, with strange and crazy thinking, as to why I don’t answer their phone calls. Fun fact: It is of recent, I have got to set a ring tone on my phone. Allow I, because here, I can delightfully, and I am allowed to use an excuse of being an excellent scholar and academia. Basically, I need no interruptions, during busy work. I can say, perhaps I got used to a fact of finding and responding say to texts and voicemails, rather than direct replying.

A few of the questions which tend to flood my mind when I hear or see my phone ringing include: what the hell? Why the fuck are they calling? Are they alright? Where are they? Are they looking dead straight at I from a distance up high? Good news, or bad news? Could they be going to ask I to do shit I don’t want to? Interrupting my schedule? Telling I their problems? And the damn list goes on. This may be surprising, to many who know I in person: I have this super cool, calm, friendly and conversational engaging vibe. Well my dears, there you go, and you have it. So, next time, before you think of pinning I down, or unto a wall, and harshly enquire as to why I haven’t been answering my damn phone, take a minute and think of what I could be thinking. But hey, you can always send a message, that I will answer, but, there is always a but, better make it good.

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